How to spot a Red: A Gentleman’s guide to recognising a Communist
We have all faced it, we gentleman, the nagging fear that attacks us as we walk down Oxford Street or are chauffeured to the Army and Navy Club. Communism. That somewhere in a dingy, smoky working men’s bar, Bolsheviks are meeting around glasses of cheap beer to plot the downfall of all that is good, gentlemanly and British.
As a public service I have decided to produce this guide on how to identify these so called “socialists”. The first clue is always the manner of dress, a typical communist will have no respect for the social conventions of morning, afternoon and evening dress. Most communists will even wear the same set of clothes all day – a cloth cap, rolled up sleeves and a poorly cut suit (apparently not many tailors are left leaning). The poorly made cigarette drooping from the lips is also a clue, the lower classes appear to be unfamiliar with the interiors of London’s better cigar emporiums. Newspapers, too, are a good indicator. A communist will never be seen with a respectable broadsheet such as the Telegraph or the Times – the Sun or the Socialist Worker tend to be their favourite choices. Now you can recognise the perfidious socialists that have infiltrated the labouring classes of Great Britain. Be on your guard and keep reading.
This is an original Hashmark Article by Tony McLarin, written in early 2006.